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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26141398">Off My Chest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bagelistrying/pseuds/bagelistrying'>bagelistrying</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek &amp; Paul/Levenson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I do ship them but it isn’t focused on that, Mentions of Suicide, a touch of philosophy, connor is still dead sorry, meaningful conversations with the dead</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:47:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>495</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26141398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bagelistrying/pseuds/bagelistrying</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Desperate for a break from school and keeping up the lies about Connor, Evan hides away, only to be visited by an old friend.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Off My Chest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wholesome Connor being nice :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Evan slumped down on the bed, his head in his hands. “This was a mistake. How did the even happen? I messed it up, just because I’m weak. God...” he murmured with frightened glances at his laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up. He hadn’t heard the door open. Connor was sitting in the office chair by his desk that he never used. All of his papers were scattered across the bed, the handwriting messy and rushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh... hi. What were you saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what it's like to feel weak. Knowing you ruined it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...” Evan fidgeted, “...you don’t have to worry about that, do you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no.” Connor smiled at the ground, his arms folded across his stomach. “I wasn’t talking about that. I was weak, too, far more than you’ve been. You’re still here, looking for a solution. I didn’t find a solution, Evan. I gave up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what?” Evan feebly gestured at him, biting the inside of his cheek. “You seem to be doing just fine, while I’m talking to someone who doesn’t exist anymore!” Acknowledging it hurt more than he expected, the words catching in his throat for a moment, his voice cracking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m not fine, I regret it. The fact that I’m saying it proves you know it yourself, too. I made a mistake far graver than you did, and there’s no going back- I miss my family, the school, and even though you don’t think you believe it, I miss you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evan slid his hand down his face, a scoff turning into a laugh. “Yeah, right. That’s what everyone else thinks. But we never knew each other, Connor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s something else you haven’t realized yet. What does it mean to know someone? To have met them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, of course not. Meeting someone doesn’t mean anything.” He tried not to sound cynical.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you can never truly know someone.” Connor continued, sitting forward with his hands on his lap. “Even this version of me that’s in your head, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, will never have all the information, all the pieces to the puzzle that defines you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That got philosophical. What’s your point? We weren’t friends, so how could you miss me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Death is weird, you know? So is regret. Once you realize there’s no going back, all the things you remember and thought were worthless start toppling down on you, like dominos. That ice cream store you went to five years ago, taking home the class pet in third grade, even just the terrified kid you bumped into on the way to English- you remember it, and you want it all back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m-“ Evan trailed off, defeatedly tracing the creases on his sheets with his finger. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can’t do much. Just promise me something, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” He glanced at him, his hands crawling nervously in his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Prove that you’re stronger than I was.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! I’m writing this with a deh shirt on so that’s cool</p></blockquote></div></div>
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